Bran Stark is Not Letting His Disability Stop Him… From Being a Fuckboy


Any one who watches Game of Thrones knows that Brandon Stark has been crippled since season 1.

If you don’t remember how he became this way, let me refresh your memory…

Like many kids, his bad ass was always doing  the exact opposite of what his mom would tell him to do. Everyday Catelyn would tell the lil nigga to stop climbing on shit before he got hurt, but he didn’t listen. I cannot quite remember verbatim what she said but it was something like, “Quit muthafuckin climbin on every gawt damn thing because if yo ass falls I ain’t going to no damn hospital!”


Well one day, while he was being hard headed and climbing up the tower thinking he was Spiderman, he stumbled across Jamie and Cersei Lannister having sex. Shook, Jamie did what anyone would have done in that scenario and pushed Bran’s lil ass out the window hundreds of feet to the ground.


Fortunate-ish for Bran, he didn’t die but he did lose the full function of both legs. It’s like my grandmother used to say, a hard head makes a soft ass.


I’m pretty sure in Catelyn’s head she was thinking, “I told you so” but good mothers do not verbalize such thoughts to their kids from fear of being called a bad person.

Fast forward 6 seasons into season 7 and we have Bran as the 3 Eyed Raven. Basically the 3 Eyed Raven is an all seeing and all knowing being in the Game of Thrones world that can see past, present, and future events. (Read more about it here.) Sounds pretty cool and useful right? Jon Snow’s little brother has the ability to see everything and know everything at a very critical time for the Starks and all of the 7 Kingdoms. One huge part that I did not mention is that the 3 Eyed Raven has a connection to the Knight King that no one else does, which again, makes Bran’s new found super powers more important and useful than ever in this point of the story.


When Bran was initially learning to become the Raven, he learned the identity of Jon Snow’s real father. After he became the full fledged, real deal Holyfield HNIC he learned EVERYTHING.

And I mean EVERY. THING.

Besides getting Hodor and Summer killed in season 6, Bran’s Fuckbydom has reached it’s meta stage here in season 7.

It started with him coming back home to Winterfell and giving Sansa an extremely lukewarm response to their reunion.


He didn’t even hug her back.

Then, if that wasn’t enough, he hit her with the “I been shot in the head, baby. My body different. I’m breathin different. You understand what I’m sayin? The doctor said I wasn’t gonna walk the same. You understand what I’m sayin? I’m out.”


Shout out to Teddy D at The Why Not Podcast for bringing this next one up!

And then later in the Godswood when he is with Sansa recounting her wedding night to Ramsey and complimenting her on how she looked and what she wore…right before she was raped. Like…come on. Who does this? You have the ability to see all things and know all things AND YET you think it is completely ok to have your sister relive her rape and torture just so you can prove that you are God-like?? He couldn’t have used ANY other example here?


Then every other time that he didn’t tell anyone who Jon was or send a raven to him or tell them more pertinent information about anything useful.

He could have gotten Littlefinger the fuck up outta Winterfell from jump since he knows who truly helped to conspire against his father. He could have told both Arya and Sansa to keep them from any impending disputes.

Like the time on episode 4 ‘The Spoils of War’ when Littlefinger gave Bran the dagger that tried to kill him. Bran told Arya and Sansa about it in a secret meeting. However, the meeting was not for him to question the whys and motives of Littlefinger, but for him to give one of his sisters the dagger because “it would be wasted on a cripple”.


Arya and Sansa were so confused about why Littlefinger had a Valyrian Steel dagger and its origins BUT YET Bran just sat there like he didn’t just say “chaos is a ladder” to Littlefinger 5 minutes before KNOWING FULL AND DAMN WELL WHAT WAS UP!


He could also tell all of the soldiers of the Vale what really happened to Lady Arryn and that she and Littlefinger killed Jon Arryn!!!


There are literally so many helpful tips that he could give but the most he will say or do is speak in codes and keep his mouth closed until he sees Jon.


He is SOOOOOOO annoying. The ultimate fuckboy.


He is literally the emo kid of the family that knows shit but he’s super cryptic and his failure to tell what he knows will have more dire consequences.

Also, this is hilarious!!







Game of Thrones Loves to Romanticize Incest and It’s Pretty Fucking Gross

Transparency: I watched the leaked Game of Thrones Season 7 episode 6 and I am not sorry, at all. At this point, fuck the writers, show runners, and anyone else who is in collusion with making ‘Confederate’ a thing.

This post isn’t about that episode though. This is not a spoiler…this is a rant.

Can I just say that it doesn’t surprise me that Benioff and Weiss are really trying to ship this Jonearys…Jon + Danearys…relationship on Game of Thrones KNOWING that they’re related?? There’s so much fan fic about it and it seriously makes my skin crawl. Although it is said in the books that Dany’s (and Jon’s) family likes to keep it in the family so…uggghhh.

(If you’re new to Thrones or have been living under a rock and haven’t yet read all of the necessary conspiracies click here for the reference.) The only thing that would make these fuck faces they keep exchanging not so disgusting is if we all find out that it wasn’t Jon from Bran’s vision, or if we find out that Jon’s dad isn’t who we think he is.

And really, how fucked up would that be? And at the end of the day, we really can’t be surprised if that’s the angle though. After all, these are the nerds that are over the moon excited about writing a modern day slavery series for HBO called ‘Confederate’. They are also the same ones that are purposefully writing Jamie Lannister (a guy that is in love with FUCKING his twin sister) as a character to somehow cheer for while Cersei is the one that’s made to look batshit. Like…yeah he is sleeping with his sister but look…she killed kids, she’s worse. NO. She’s not worse, they both equally suck!! Hello?? He pushed a kid from a fucking tower all because the kid caught him fucking his sister from behind.


And let’s not forget the time that he damn near date raped her at the coffin of his dead son/nephew so yeah…


The ability of them to continue to vilify Cersei while making Jamie into this literal Knight in Shining armor is also a lot gross. He gets to have comical lines and has moments where he is the “voice of reason” in Cersei’s schemes and cries for blood. Afterall,  he’s just a soldier in love with this woman that is hard to control and he’s trying to do the right-ish thing. Right?? But let us not forget that all the while he remains complicit to Cersei’s tyranny and evil so he’s really the Mike Pence in this situation, not the Lindsey Graham. But again…these are the creators of Confederate so I am not surprised.

Something me tells me that there are a lot of members of the #LawrenceHive in the Game of Thrones writing rooms.

End rant.